Introduction

My name is Wendy. I am mom to a beautiful 6 year old who is full of life, and full of spunk. I have always wanted her to have a sibling (or siblings). I grew up with siblings, and I feel bad that she is all alone. I mean, she has friends at school, at daycare, on our street, but it's not the same of having that brother or sister that will be there, no matter what. Actually, that's incorrect. she does have a little brother, when she is at her dad's, but this is about my journey, not his. I won't go into every boring detail,(that will be a whole other post!) but the cliff notes version is : her dad and I separated when I was 8 weeks pregnant, we tried to get back together twice after that, it didn't work. He found someone new, they had a baby. I, on the other hand, have been through my fair share of bad relationships, but I have finally fount my prince charming, and we are now working on expanding our family. We have been trying for 11 months now, with 3 (unsuccessful) pregnancies under our belts. I have also had 2 other losses, pre-prince charming era, for a grand total of 5.It. Sucks.

So, in the past 11 months, we have tried many different things, regardless of how nutty they sounded. We decided to start trying for our baby very soon after we met. (And thank God we did, because we have been having a terribly hard time with it, at least we found out early on). We actively started trying in May 2014. Just the basics, sex around estimated ovulation, and 2 weeks of hoping. The next month, I started doing some online reading, and signed up for Fertility Friend, and started temp charting to confirm that I was actually ovulating( good news, I was/am). The following month, I started taking prenatals, and I got our first positive pregnancy test in July 2014. We were so happy, him especially, this would be his first. So we enjoyed the fact that it had been so easy, and that we would be blessed with a beautiful baby in 9 months. It wasn't mean to be though, because a week later, the tests went negative, and I started bleeding. I didn't even go to the hospital for this on, it wasn't my first rodeo, and I knew they couldn't do anything for me, other than give me looks of pity and say they were sorry. If I wasn't a crazy early tester, I likely would not have known that for that one week, I was pregnant. But I am, and I did.

The next month, we got right back in the saddle, so to speak and continued our journey. We decided to try soft cups and pre-seed. ( Thanks to the Fertility friend boards - to which I now had a 1 year, paid subscription) Fast forward to January, because nothing happened until the, other than adding a bunch of supplements, like extra folic acid, extra b vitamins, selenium, zinc etc, etc.  We got another early positive. I felt from the moment I saw those 2 lines it wasn't going to end well, and I was right.Because I was taking my tempreature every morning, I knew the day that mine dropped that that was the end of this pregnancy. But I did try to save it. before the bleeding/cramps started I went to the hospital and basically begged them to put me on progesterone to have a chance to try and save this pregnancy. But by that time, the levels were too low and the pregnancy was already essentially ended.

Again in march, same thing, I was getting that second line, but only on the insanely sensitive Osoms, but never got even a hint of a line on a First response, so Here I sit with yet another chemical pregnancy under my belt. The positive (if you can call it that) that I got from the January loss is that it finally got the ball rolling to be seen by a RPL specialist. In the past 2 months, I swear I have been tested for every disease and deficiency known to man. Probably not every one, but I swear, that's how it feels. Everything came back normal. I went for a saline ultrasound, was told all's good in that area. The latest test was for diabetes. A long shot , but they want to rule it out.

And so the online reading has continued, and I have a new action plan, a couple of new supplements to add to my repertoire this month, which brings me up to a whopping 20 pills a day to take, all chasing the dream of hopefully one day having our addition to our incomplete family. I know some people will say we are trying too hard and we should "just relax and it will happen" but as any TTC'er knows, this is simply not the case, and I personally do not want to relax and HOPE it happens, all the while letting time pass be by until it's too late.

So this is my journey, and so far it continues.. hopefully not for too much longer though!